Ah, Christmas music: The last hurrah of every cynical Ebenezer Scrooge.
If you’ve been feeling warm and fuzzy getting into the festive spirit so far, beware of this list. These might just be the worst Christmas songs of all time!
1. Justin Bieber hi-jacking Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas
‘Twas the night before sometime in November 2011, when what is universally agreed to be the BEST Christmas song EVER was ruined by the addition of Justin Bieber.
Yes, Mariah must have agreed to it. No, we don’t have a clue why. Taking a total cracker of a Christmas track and adding a hint of Biebs was a bad idea anyway, and the exceptionally creepy video? Well, that really is the icing on top of the brandy-soaked fruitcake.
2. Cyndi Lauper’s Lapland-inspired Conga
Ah, the 90s. They were the best, weren’t they? Great presents, great Christmas songs. Or so we thought.
No one needs to hear Cyndi Lauper squeak: “Bonga, bonga, bonga! Do the Christmas conga!.” Especially not when the bearded guy’s comin’ to town.
3. Barbie Girl… With baubles on
We’re not sure what’s more surprising; that Dr. Jones-hitmakers Aqua were still around in 2009, or that they reached No. 3 in the UK Chart with their festive trance track, Spin Me A Christmas.
Only joking. They reached No. 43 in the charts in Denmark – and Denmark only. So THAT’S why we’ve never heard of it – however, we do find their penchant for all-things flamboyant and general rubbishness rather endearing. Xmas No.1 maybe not, but it still gets the foot tapping. Just us? Oh…
4. Little Drummer Boy Biebs makes the list again
The original version of Drummer Boy is quite frankly a Christmas classic with strong Christian meaning. Penned in the 1940s, it was politically poignant and rather fitting for a post-war world.
But somewhere along the line, someone let Justin Bieber make a cover. With Buster Rhymes rapping the “parappa pum pum” bits. Could there be anything more inappropriate? We’re not quite sure!
5. A very
Cheeky Creepy Christmas time
A million percent creepy to anyone that’s not Simon Cowell.
This terrible Christmas track can’t even redeem itself with a catchy chorus – so it’s absolutely *French accent* ‘nil points’ from us. And everybody else in the world.
6. Donkey-themed fun, year after year
Top marks for tenuous Christmas link, whoever wrote this track. Yes, there were definitely donkeys in the nativity, so yes there should definitely be a Christmas song filled with super-annoying donkey noises!
On a side note… Is this a guilty pleasure for anybody else?
7. Feliz Navidad… Oh wait, it’s our favourite!
Like all the worst Christmas songs, once it’s in your head, it’s impossible to shake it. But that’s where the similarities end for us… We can’t get enough of cheeky chappie José Feliciano and his festively infectious chorus…
Want a playlist that makes you wanna party, and not cringe this Christmas? Give your yuletide nights a Cuban twist – and book a Christmas party with us this year!
Join us for your festive fiesta this year and we promise not to play ANY of these poor efforts – okay, except for maybe that last one!